✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ My blog! ✧₊⁺⋆☽⋆.˚₊✩

Being in love is torture basically

May 26th 2025

Oh the horrors... Listen, it's one thing to be in love with someone but it's a whole another thing when I start to actually believe they like me back. It drives me to do things like write on my blog about it. Oh god... So in summary - there's a guy (because of course it's a guy) and I swear just a bit ago I thought nothing of him and now he consumes my every waking thought. He's so pretty and sort of weird and awkward but it's endearing in a way. Like he's just silly, I don't know, he's basically the definition of "he makes me laugh". It's the stupidest things as well. But then there was the zoo trip which really had me head over heels giggling and kicking my feet. We went to the zoo with our class and while everyone left early he stayed there with me. We drank a lot of beer and just talked and I can't get it out of my head how we sat so close together, shoulder to shoulder, and neither of us made any attempt to move. Am I insane? Well yeah a bit but a big part of me thinks that I might finally not be delusional about this.

And did I clear my schedule next Sunday just in case I muster up the urge to ask him out for drinks?.. Well you know.

Other big news: I got accepted into university! And it's the major I was really hoping for which is philosophy. You can bet I'll reffer to myself exclusively as a philosopher from now on. Hope it's good, very excited about it though.

Local man spends 1500$ and two days building a computer to play papas freezeria

May 3rd 2025

Did I actually post more after my glorious announcement last year? Well... anyway >_>

I guess I've never been a huge gamer or at least compared to other people. A big reason was that I just didn't have anything to play games on. I got my nintendo switch in 2020 or somewhere there and that was huge but I guess I always wanted a gaming pc mostly. Now that stuff is EXPENSIVE and you know my mom wasn't willing to spend that much on something she didn't see the point in. My last pc was "alright" in every way. It ran minecraft on a solid 30fps if you don't move too fast and keep your render distance low, it would lag trying to run a ps2 game on an emulator and crash if you dared to open a blender version made after 2010. And honestly I didn't really care that much, like I wanted to play newer games but just made my peace with not getting to. UNTIL Kingdom Come Delivarance 2 came out. When I tell you that game singlehandedly made me save all of my money for months just to build this damn thing. Also worth noting that I have no idea how to build pcs, I know nothing about tech and a few months ago I didn't know what a cpu was. But look at that, driven by my "I could do that" mindset I bought all my parts and got to cooking up my beautiful son. It was honestly a great experience and a lot of fun (unitl I had to wire everything, that took a piece of my soul) and I feel super proud of myself. Moral of the story? You can bullshit your way to success if you're being driven by slight madness and an urge to see the homosexual czech knights do things.

Back at it again

December 2nd 2024

I have made an epic return to this website finally! Again a crazy few months and I've been sort of preoccupied with other activities and hobbies and such so that kept me away from here. But I think I want to get back into coding and writing, I missed it a lot. So, what have I been up to? Firstly, started my post-secondary english classes, very fun, plus I have a ton of free time these days. One might say I should get a job but... well that's a topic for another day. I've recently also basically redecorated my whole bedroom, got a new bed and had the walls painted this nice warm beige. I love how it looks, it actually improved my overall mood way more than I thought it would. I've been going to thrift stores a lot, buying dvds and such, made some jewelery, started crocheting, got started on another zine - you see what I mean when I say I've been busy? The joys, honestly. I've been very happy recently. That's not to say I never have bad moments but man things feel real nice these days.

Weird news: I have a caterpillar now! Lol it's the weirdest thing, I found him sitting outside of my bedroom door - we live on the second story of an apartment building. So I have no idea how he got here but I couldn't find it in me to just put him outside. So, I set him up a little terrarium in my room and yeah now he's my strange little pet. His name is Catt Mc. Pillar <3

That's it from me for now, just a little check-in. But I always have more to say so hopefully I'll be back soon!

Well... now what?

September 9th 2024

It has been an insane few weeks, not even gonna lie to you. Most recent and insane news: I graduated! Oh my god it's insane to even write it here like I have a hard time believing it actually happened. So after four years of suffering through various forms of psychological torture in art school... I actually don't really know what to do. About half of my summer was spent either working on my final art project, studying or more accurately pretending to work and study while stressing myself out and now there's nothing really to do. I keep waiting for some new assignment to torment me or an upcoming exam to study for but there's nothing. I can just make art without fearing what critique I'll have to sit through? I can just... kinda do things? I don't know what to do with myself to be completely honest. It's really weird to come to terms with and in a way it's making me more anxious to not do things than to actually do them lol. To be fair I will be attending another school this year (but it's just for four hours a day and studying exclusively english so it barely counts) but until my classes start I'll just have to exist. With myself. It is insanely liberating to be able to make art without the sort of disgust that I slowly taught myself in school. I plan on painting a landscape for my step-dad this week and also some personal things while I'm at it maybe. And that's the sort of stuff I enjoy so... yeah. It's just unreal right now and probably will take some getting used to.

Busy, insane and becoming a fitness bro

July 16th 2024

Finally back and blogging! I mean it's not like I've been gone, I've been obessively working on this thing for hours and hours and I loved every second (except for when I was trying to figure out java script,, I cried then). I haven't been "busy" busy really, I did make myself busy a lot of the times. I gotta do that or I swear I'll go insane. So I've been working here, drawing, writing and such. I broke my phone like a week ago as well which only gave me more free time since my backup can barely open the internet browser without crashing. Forced into a digital detox-- even if it technically just made me use my computer more lol.

In other news: I am going insane again and yes it's because of a show. I was finally persuaded into watching the amc show interview with the vampire and surprisingly to no one: I'm crawling on the ceiling, crying, screaming etc. There is a dedicated page on here to it because I simply HAD to speak my mind somewhere.

Lastly I have found myself in a weird state where I am... oddly healthy. Like before my approach was sort of "if my body is a temple I will loot, pillage and plunder it and probably accidentally set it on fire in the process" but now I took up RUNNING of all things. Like who does that? Insane people. But it has been very fun for me (and painful, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend I'm a fitness influencer) and I like how protein shakes taste so if you find me absolutely shredded in a few months, don't be surprised.

Currently: feeling good, having a jolly July and watching a ton of movies. Hope to update here more soon!

My trip to London

May 5th 2024

Last Saturday I took a short trip to London and I just now got back so I thought I could document that here!

I sadly don't have many photos to share because I'm not a big fan of taking pictures on trips but I'd like to start bringing my digital camera more with me in the future for just that. In short: the trip was great! I've already been to London twice before so it was nice to visit again and try some new things (and some old ones). I'm a big art guy and as an art student it was basically mandatory for me to visit at least some galleries while my family... doesn't really enjoy that. But I still got to see the British Museum, Tate Britain and the National Gallery so I'm happy about that (even if we basically speed ran them lol).

My trip was surprisingly consumed by another thing though and that is a current new obsession for me: Dead Boy Detectives - the new netflix show set in the sandman universe (a show that I love dearly!) so I already went into it excited but oh boy!! It's incredible! I'm already rewatching it because of how in love with it I am. This is a formal manifestation of season 2 because I don't know what I'll do without it lol. It's so fun but also surprisingly moving, really fun and a bit spooky and has great gay represantation (thank you Neil Gaiman) so basically the perfect show for me. Already forced my best friend to watch it and slowly converting my boyfriend as well. I'll probably dedicate some place on my site to this little obsession because I have a lot to say and it sort of reignited my passion for shows and such. That hasn't happened in a bit. Peace restored!

So ramble over, much less about London and much more about ghost detectives. But I guess that's very on brand for me. Thanks for reading!

First blog entry

April 28th 2024

Finally got to start working on this website which I have been planning for god knows how long. It's a lot of work I'm not gonna lie.

The only experience with html and css is making my spacehey profile so this is a bit of a learning process. BUT when something does work and I can see my site slowly taking shape it's super rewarding. A long way to go still but I'm excited! For a bit of context I guess here's how I came to this idea in the first place:

I have been frustrated with the current state of the internet for a good while now. My favorite social media was twitter but ever since musk got his filthy paws on it it has been a nightmare to use. I saw a few youtube videos talking about the "dead internet theory" and "old internet" before it got heavily commercialized and at this point I was also heavily nostalgic for that era of the web when I was a kid so it all came together here.

Currently I found myself in a bit of a crisis and needed some sort of outlet that would keep me busy and doing something I enjoy. This might be a little tmi but I was released from a psychiatric hospital not too long ago and it had me feeling a little aimless. So while this isn't a stable job or being a responsible adult it's fun and it's creative - two things that pretty much kept me going these past two months. So if anyone is reading this: thanks! You're a witness to my new-found hobby and I appreciate you for being here.

Hope you enjoy your stay and here's to a less soulless internet!