.⋆༺♱ Ethel Cain shrine ♱༻⋆.
Hayden Anhedönia aka Ethel Cain might truly and honestly be one of the greatest artists of our time.
My favorite lyrics
Good men die too so I'd rather be with you
...
I owe you a black eye and two kisses
Tell me when you wanna come and get 'em
I only want him if he says it first to me
...
There's just something about you, baby
Maybe I'll just be crazy
And piss him off 'til he hates me
Yeah right, he fucking loves me
- Crush ♡
(the entirety of crush could be here tbh)
"To love me is to suffer me"
...
That picture on the wall you're scared of looks just like you
I wanna bleed, I wanna hurt the way that boys do
Maybe you're right and we should stop watchin' the news
'Cause, baby, I've never seen brown eyes look so blue
- Nettles
Pretty boy
Natural blood-stained blond
With the holes in his sneakers
And his eyes all over me
...
I knew it was love
When I rode home crying
Thinking of you fucking other girls
But when you
Said that you're in love
I never wondered if you're sure
- Dust Bowl
I tried to be good
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
Am I no good?
With my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence
I just wanted to be yours
Can I be yours?
Can I be yours?
Just tell me I'm yours
If I'm turning in your stomach and I'm making you feel sick
Am I making you feel sick?
- Strangers
We all know how it goes
The more it hurts, the less it shows
But I still feel like they all know
...
If it's meant to be then it'll be
I forgive it all as it comes back to me
- Sun Bleached Flies
Sunday morning
Hands over my knees in a room full of faces
I'm sorry if I seemed off, but I was probably wasted
And didn't feel so good
A life full of whiskey but I always deliver
Jesus, if you're listening let me handle my liquor
And Jesus, if You're there
Why do I feel alone in this room with You?
- American Teenager
I think I wanted you dead
Fell as an angel just to please
No matter where you want it
Fighting my way up to your tongue
So I can die up on it
And show you what it really
Means to need somebody beyond their body
...
Would you judge me for my prayers
If I said them on my knees?
But I am flesh and blood
And this flesh has needs
- Tongue
Older brother made a name for himself with the cops
Scumbag fuck, but I swear that he's not
He's so good to me and to nobody else
So you should watch yourself
...
If he wakes up, he'll show you what I'm talking about
- Inbred
I’d reach into your body and fix you if I could
Will I feel like this forever?
Forever?
Are you angry? Do you hate me?
And darling, time may forgive me
But I won't
...
To be known the way you should is to put yourself through hell
Still, I waited and tried, 'til it killed me
'Cause you're right
I can wait if I want
But it'll never be good enough like I want to believe it is
- Waco, Texas
If you love me keep it to yourself
- Vacillator
Says I'm his favorite, yeah, I fucking better be
- Unpunishable
My favorite songs
Some thoughts/interpretations
And if I say half her songs remind me of my boy what then!! He doesn't even know that I owe him a black eye and two kisses...
(No but for real never in my life have I so consistently associated songs/lyrics with a person (even if it may seem like a bad thing lmao considering Ethel often sings about not great relationships but I feel like I 1. interpret the lyrics in my own way or 2. exaggerate my experiences... cuz like the guy I'm with is a sweetie and he most definitely doesn't work with his hands). Will I regret writing all this if we happen to break up in the future? Absolutely but I will not be putting that negative energy out into the world. In my mind he can only get rid of me if he kills me and even then I'd haunt him.)
"Good men die too so I'd rather be with you" - not to say he's a bad person but he's definitely not an upstanding citizen. He's pretty wild and sort of care-free and I like that about him. He always says that I subconsciously want someone who's chaotic and does the bullshit he does. And unfortunately he's right.
"Yeah right, he fucking loves me" "His eyes all over me" - reminds me of when we first got together and we couldn't keep our hands off eachother.
"I knew it was love, when I rode home crying, thinking of you fucking other girls" - this lyric makes me genuinely lose my mind I don't even wanna talk about it lmao.
Outside of that here are some thoughts about non-boy-related bits:
"That picture on the wall you're scared of looks just like you" - always makes me think of resembling a family member who you either have a complicated relationship with or who has some sort of issues. I was always told I resemble my grandmother who lost her son, husband, had a drinking problem and dementia before dying. So yeah, that picture does scare me.
"I wanna bleed, I wanna hurt the way that boys do" - in short, gender issues. Being a boy seems appealing in so many ways and being able to express anger, fight and hurt is a part of it.
"The more it hurts, the less it shows, but I still feel like they all know" - I often feel like my struggles are too visible, that people view me as weak or broken, that there's something wrong with me. Also connected to that is "I tried to be good, am I no good?" constantly trying but feeling like you're failing no matter what.